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Optimizing SQL queries is always fun—except when it isn’t. If you’re a MySQL veteran and have read the title, you already know where this is heading 😉. In that case, allow me to regale the uninitiated reader. This is the story of an (apparently) smart optimization to a SQL query that backfired spectacularly—and how we finally fixed it. It started off with a customer noticing that a SQL query was running slowly in their environment.

For all the many, many tools and services your business might be using day-to-day, there’s a good chance your most important business metrics are stored in a humble database. First developed in the late 1970s, SQL databases remain the de facto medium for logging and storing important business information, from sign-ups to stock levels - important business information that would be useful to display on a TV dashboard if only there was an easy way to do so...